


If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend

by respite (Respitini)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: If X were your Y, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-11 15:30:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7058233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Respitini/pseuds/respite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Remus Lupin were your boyfriend? A riff on The Toast's popular recurring series.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> From a thread on the FF dot net Teachers' Lounge board. We've blatantly stolen The Toast's "if X were your Y" thing, and applied it to Harry Potter. This was my response to the title proposition. Unlike the Toast, however, the "you" in question is a man, because Remus, obviously.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, he'd reach for the check every Sunday after brunch, and occasionally you'd let him get it.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, "every Sunday after brunch" would really mean "every Sunday." Except for, well, you know. He takes brunch _very_ seriously.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, you'd ship Jacob with Edward, telling him he deserves the kind of fellow who makes his toes curl. When he tells you he already has him, you'd almost believe it. But then he'd wind up ruining the moment by saying he'd never want anyone that blatantly abusive and manipulative.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, you'd be used to ruined moments.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, he wouldn't shame you for reading trashy novels, but he wouldn't own up to reading them himself. He never read Twilight, though

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, you'd binge-watch Buffy together, but wouldn't be able to get through Angel, because he finds West LA odious.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, he'd try to break up with you because he wouldn't want to expose you to the Magical world, and he wouldn't be able to get a steady supply of Wolfsbane potion in the muggle world. This would result in the row to end all rows, as you tell him that if any two people in this world deserved their happily-ever-afters it was the two of you, and you'd be willing to put up with being an outsider in his world, with living with someone who was still, even after the war, a social pariah, and with never, ever, ever being able to get married. You would win this argument, of course.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, no less a figure than the Minister for Magic himself would perform the marriage ceremony, because you found out he has those connections. Tonks would be the one to stand up for him, because she and Remus were always amicable.

If Remus Lupin were your boyfriend, happily-ever-afters would only last a few years, because the strain of lycanthropic metamorphosis is horrifically taxing on a person's heart.


End file.
